I’m elated to tell you our relationship is now at a close.
You’ve been faithful and reliable. You’ve delivered what you promised– clean cloth diapers EVERY week. But more importantly, you’ve departed with a van full of our shitty diapers each Saturday morning between the hours of 7-8AM for three and a half years.
When I called to tell you we were having another baby, you said, “Great. The second one is cheaper!” When I called to tell you one of them had stopped using diapers you said, “Fine, we’ll decrease your order.”
Now I’m calling to tell you– and shouting from the rooftops! “We are now virtually a DIAPER FREE household!” We won’t be needing your services any longer.
You can offer me a hearty slap on the back if you want! I won’t mind. I deserve it. Do you know how many diapers I’ve changed over the last three plus years? Well, actually, probably more than anyone else in the world, you do. Yes, that’s right, somewhere around 15,000 give or take. Never mind. That’s over.
Thanks for making it easy for us to keep all of those out of the landfill. Thanks for providing me the repeated opportunity to tell our astonished visiting parents, “Seriously mom, you don’t have to wash it. Yes, just leave the poop in there. We pay them for that.”
More than once we’ve heard your truck pull up and had to race out of bed disheveled and barely dressed with a bag of crappy diapers to hand you. You’ve always smiled obligingly and proffered your freshies.
More than once we have wondered, and then shuddered at what the operation of cleaning those must look like. But we want to tell you we’re so grateful that you do it. And so grateful that we didn’t have to! You’ve made a difference in our lives in such a positive way.
I’m ecstatic to say good-bye but I’ll remember you fondly. It’s been REAL. It’s been grand. And now, it’s over!
And thank you for sending our refund check as you promised! Wow, $300 that no longer has to be spent on shit! Woop! Woop!