I don’t know why, but I honestly feel embarrassed every time I use the word A-hole in a post. Last month I talked about the importance of having what I call an Asshole Meter– that internal meter that saves you from feeling, well, like an Asshole. Well this month I thought I would give you a true story of it in action.
Once you start practicing something and you get positive results, they become bookmarks in your head. Like, “Oh yes, I want to do that, because it brings me, or it gets me that, or in this case, saves me from feeling like that.” Well in my brain the story I am about to share is the most prominent story of how having my Asshole Meter securely in place totally saved me from being an ass.
It happened to me years ago when I was waiting tables at a restaurant. It was a busy Friday night and the restaurant was hopping but suddenly instead of seating my tables the owner/manager started to blatantly ignore my section, seating tables elsewhere and leaving mine completely open.
I was so mad. I mean I was there to work. It was a busy Friday night and from the looks of things, in contrast to our usual way of organizing this and our very team player spirit that my colleagues and I worked under, I was essentially getting screwed. I was standing there twiddling my thumbs waiting for work while the whole other half of the restaurant filled up and that waitress was running her butt off.
I remember standing there when the manage came back after making a final and very obvious choice to leave my section of the restaurant open. I could feel my blood start to boil—it was filling up with this WTF sort of rage. It didn’t make any sense. Fortunately my Asshole Meter was already well developed and I recognized that the powerful feeling in my body was definitely going to need me to keep it in check. As she approached I gave her an inquisitive look and I’m sure an answer demanding face, to which she replied with a wink in her eye, “Just trust me on this.”
I was still so fuming in my body I couldn’t trust myself to respond. I knew I was flooded with that crazy emotion that, if left untethered would make me do and say something I would regret later. God you know how it is when a strong emotion like anger takes over your body. It totally consumes you, you can’t think rationally, or can’t think of anything else other than the overpowering movement of emotion that is blasting through your body. This is the state I was in in that moment. So instead of opening my mouth I just nodded (curtly I’m sure) and turned around and walked away. I went out the backdoor of the restaurant. Alone in the back courtyard I really let it out of my body—all my anger and frustration with the whole scene. Just jumping up and down and I don’t know, shaking my fists in the air or whatever. I let-er-rip in a way I had been about to do in words at my friend and business owner. After I felt the emotional craziness abate in my body I walked back into the restaurant.
When the owner next approached me I said something totally calm like, “What’s up with that!? Why aren’t you giving me any tables?”
She said, “A good friend of ours is coming from the city and bringing a whole lot of friends. They are huge tippers and lovely people and I want to keep your section free for them.”
Had my trusty Asshole Meter not kicked in at the appropriate moment, I would have undoubtedly said something that I would have super regretted (maybe even to this day)! It was like that situation where you think someone is neglecting you, all signs point to it, but instead they are giving you a surprise party.
I said an internal “Thank god” over me keeping my mouth shut and moved forward without having to kick myself in the ass (for days) over my stupidity. And of course it all worked out in the end just as my friend and business owner had imagined.
I still reference this story in my mind sometimes as to why my Asshole Meter is so good to me. It’s such a clear and perfect example of how positive having that internal meter/knowledge that you are about to do something you will regret and a capacity to to override that urge truly is.
It can be hard at first. I mean those urges can be POWERFUL in your body. But it is so much better for you, both in the now and later, to overcome detrimental impulse, keep your mouth shut, and then, if necessary address the issue at a later point when you are more neutral and in control of yourself.
Aimée Cartier is a psychic and author. She specializes in helping her clients align with their own Highest Good and discover their next best steps in life. More about her work can be found here: www.spreadingblessings.com