Okay, it’s not JUST during the holidays that these rules are important. It’s just that we come in contact with a lot more during the holidays. Here’s the scene:
You are sitting down to holiday dinner with your family. Aunt Matilda is having an issue with Aunt Rose, in fact they were just bickering about the mashed potatoes, but you know it goes deeper than that. Your sister has a lot of tension at work and she’s trying to figure out when she is going to find time to do the upcoming shopping she needs to do and meet her work deadlines–which are already so intense this time of year. Your mom has put a lot of energy into making this meal just perfect, the cranberry sauce hasn’t been made yet and she’s already miffed at Matilda and Rose for bringing their spat to dinner because all she really wants is just ONE peaceful dinner. It’s the holidays after all!
For you empath, all of these perceptions are running through your own system. So even though you are sitting down to dinner and on your own you may feel fine– right now all you can feel is the tension in your circuits. Tension, that actually doesn’t belong to you. You just happened to be built to read (and run) all of the emotional and energetic frequencies around you.
You can fill in the appropriate details for whomever you come in contact with over the holidays—be it your friends, your co-workers at the office party, or the complicated and long-standing relationships that exist within families.
Feeling all of that can be sooooo much: The awkwardness, the tension, the disparate voices and needs.
You want to help don’t you!? You want to make it better. Of course you care about these people and you’re used to being the one to smooth it all over. You’re the one to make a joke to take the tension away from Matilda and Rose. To, give your sister’s shoulders a little rub as you are walking by. To make the cranberry sauce even though you have no idea how to– just so you can help everyone get their needs met.
And so you can stop the quiet tension rippling through your body.
Am I describing a scene that is familiar to you? I once heard my step-mom refer to me as “the get-along gal.” Hearing her say that was so revealing. I knew exactly what she was talking about. For years and years while I was growing up that was the role I played within my family. I wanted everyone to get along, yes– but here is the empathic secret– (I mentioned it just a second ago.) You also really want the tension to ease because you feel it in your own skin, and you want that tension or discomfort to resolve! Aunt Matilda, Aunt Rose, your mom, it’s all rolling under your skin.
So, I’m going to tell you two rules empath that it is wise to keep in mind this time of year and beyond. To be honest these pieces and learning to integrate them is what I consider pretty advanced training for an empath. In my Empath Intuition University we don’t get into this until a few months in. Still, they are so crucial that I felt like I wanted other empaths to know and hear this, especially right now.
So, I created a whole workshop to help you implement these rules. It’s called Empath Tools Holiday Support. (Note, this limited time workshop is no longer available.)
I know, I know, you’re saying right now, get on with the rules Aimée! Here they are:
- You cannot process other people’s stuff for them. Ever.
What I mean by that is that when you are picking up the emotional station of your Aunt Matilda standing near by and you are playing that station in your own body, as you are want to do as an empath, it is important for you to know that you will not be able to shift the emotion. And that’s because it doesn’t belong to you. I can teach you how to create natural boundaries for yourself and clear your own energy so you don’t have to be downloading her station. However, when you are feeling other people’s stuff inside of your body you will not be able to transform it into something else. That’s because you’re just broadcasting it. Or to use another analogy– you’re just the hologram of their emotion. That means the only person who can change, shift, or process that emotion is the one who owns it.
Do you get what I’m saying? Because we feel things in our own bodies this can be sort of mind boggling for us empaths at first. Nonetheless, it remains true. Even though you may be able to make her laugh, you will never really truly be able to shift that anger that Matilda is feeling for Rose. L And it’s very likely not your job anyway. Which brings me to rule number two!
- Just because you feel something does not NECESSARILY mean that it is your place to help.
Sometimes it does. And sometimes it doesn’t. The trick/tool/practice (that incidentally I teach you in Empath Tools Holiday Support) is learning to discern the difference. As an empath we feel so much. Our own feelings are usually big– and even the subtle emotional and energetic nuances going on in the people around you can often feel very loud to you. And so, you may do what many empaths do which is try to solve everything for everybody.
So let me just put it to you straight right now: you will NOT be able to solve all the problems for everybody. If you are one of us in what I call the “over-helper” or “over-yesing” category– if you are a get-along gal– you should know that trying to aid EVERY situation just because you know it exists will quite literally exhaust and deplete you. Even more than that, it can also be completely personally debilitating– you get so involved in other people’s challenges and supporting them through it that you’re paying hardly any attention to what is happening for you. You’re not living your life; you’re living theirs.
So… even just recognizing that it is not your place to solve every ache, pain, grief, discomfort that you feel in those around you and in the world is a very big first step. Learning to stay in right relationship with offering when you can actually help and choosing not to when it’s not your place, and practicing that is even better.
If you are ready to learn some very simple practices that will allow you to do that I’d like to formally invite you into my studio! That’s where I recorded a video workshop that you can play wherever you are in the world. I mentioned it earlier! 🙂
Empath Tools Holiday Support video workshop
It’s my first ever on-demand video workshop! (So exciting for me!) You’ll learn:
- How to clear your energy and create natural boundaries for yourself (so you don’t have to pick up every emotion you come across)
- A technique that will help you not “Over yes” or exhaust yourself by trying to fix or save everyone (in other words how to tell the difference between when it is your place to help and when it is not.)
- Several techniques that will help you move through those moments when it is not your place to help (and you still feel it and care) with more grace and ease
- The Highest Service of being empathic
- A key practice that will help you achieve the Highest Service of being empathic
Like I said, I consider some of these very advanced techniques and I’m offering it specifically to help you get through the holidays with more grace and ease. So as you might expect it is a very limited time offer. It’s available for a short time right now– and not beyond (unless you’ve purchased it in which case you have forever access).
I encourage you to read more about it. You can head over to my Empath Tools Holiday Support page where you can also get access to a free video with me talking a bit more about these very rules that I shared with you today. (It’s only available for a limited time– so if the link doesn’t work it’s because we’ve passed that time.)
I want you to go into your holidays armed with this knowledge. I want you to go in prepared NOT to save every single person– only the ones who you can truly help. 🙂
Aimée Cartier is a psychic, author, and the founder of Empath Intuition University. In alternating four and six-month programs she teaches empaths the skills they need to manage their own empathic abilities and perceptions. Her next six-month class starts in January! (Sign up here to stay in the loop!) More about her and her work can be found at www.AimeeCartier.com.