Do you feel like you just want to sit and weep all day after hearing that Kavanaugh was sworn in yesterday as a life long Supreme Court Justice? After spending more than a week swimming in the waves of trauma that not only he caused but the millions of other memories that it has allowed to resurface for so many? So do I.
For an empath this is a tumultuous and devastating time. So I was sitting here thinking—what can I offer you empaths right now at what feels like an extremely low point, if not the lowest in our country’s history—at least during my lifetime. And the conclusion I came to is that at least I can offer you what I know.
I may not be able to take away the fact that we all just want to sit in our pajamas and weep all day on this Sunday afternoon or punch pillows or kick a wall, or for some, a particular person in the balls. But I can tell you what I know about how a level of despair like this can effect an empathic person. And knowledge always brings perspective.
So this is what I know and some things I recommend.
Empaths are not just affected by the emotions of those around them. They can be affected across distances by the emotional flavor of what is happening to another person.When a particular emotional flavor is happening to many it’s even more profound. So when millions of women around this country are dealing again with their own resurfaced personal traumas or being outraged or wallowing in despair over an occurrence, you’re going to feel it in your own skin. Even if you are sitting in your living room and not paying attention to the news.
If you’ve been through my Empath Intuition University program or to any of my talks you’ve learned from me how to clear your energy and set a natural boundary for yourself—still in extreme moments like these that may not be enough to block out the feelings of the millions of women who have been re-experiencing trauma in the last week or so, and now despair at the outcome of this hearing. I think it’s important to know that—and keep it in perspective. Especially because sometimes– many times– when you are picking up deep emotions from outside of yourself which don’t have a place in yours (for example if you don’t have any sexual trauma to deal with)—your mind will find anything it can to attach the feeling to. It will dig for anything out of place in your own life and then, like a sharp nail catching on a pair of pantyhose, it will unravel it. So just know—you may currently be looking at the experiences of your own life—ones that likely don’t warrant that level of despair with a not so appealing, or helpful filter caused by your attuning to or picking up on the wave of legitimate despair happening all over this country.
If you are in a place in your monthly cycle where things usually feel more extreme for you– then these moments are going to be even more difficult. But again, this is another place where knowledge helps. If you can notice and see where you are in your monthly cycle (bleeding or about to bleed) and understand that this is typically a particularly difficult time for you then at least you’ll know you don’t have to believe every bullshit thought you think right now. Here is an article called, “Ladies, Hormones Are Serious. And They Seem to Cause Temporary Amnesia” about the hormonal amnesia that seems to overtake us women.
Deal with your own trauma. If these hearings are piercing any personal memories or experiences for you—I suggest you use the bravery of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford to fuel your own courage. Unearthing deep trauma can be very healing. Like millions of other women I am so proud of
Dr. Ford for having the courage—but for also publicly breaking open what has been a dark and shame filled room with little or no airing. It may not feel easy to look in there. But light and air will do it good. Use this moment in history to fuel your own healing. Sit with yourself. Spend a day tending to your own wounds. It’s important. Especially deep and serious stuff like this. Know you are not alone. Feeling and flushing it out in a safe space will help clean out your own wounds. I have an article called “It’s Okay to Feel. Really. Go Ahead and Cry and Be Angry. It’s Good for You.” on my blog. I recommend reading that. Those are the steps that I take when I know I need to emote about something. It’s a way to do it that allows you to also feel safe and protected even while experiencing deep feelings.
One thing I don’t mention in that article but that I do and may be helpful now is a process where you allow yourself to fully get in touch with the feeling and then find in your being—or ask yourself—“When was the first time I felt this in my life?” You trace that strong feeling back to whatever original moment arises. And you allow yourself to go back to that moment. You allow yourself to be that four-year-old or whatever age you were and to feel it all as you felt it then. There comes a time in that process where your Now Self also enters the scene. Your adult woman as it were—who begins to comfort that younger you. My adult self usually start by saying things to my little me like, “That sounds really hard. That sounds like it would hurt you, or be really sad” or whatever emotion is coming up. Just having that feeling acknowledged (in a way it likely wasn’t then) can be DEEPLY healing. I find it so every time. Eventually, your adult self helps comfort the smaller you in bigger ways—telling her—“I’ve got your back now. I see you.” Or, in some cases, “I’m going to do everything in my power to not let that happen to you again.” Etc. What your adult self says to your younger you is situational—it’s different each time depending on what is actually coming up.
5. Exercise. For real. That and number six are THE most effective ways I’ve found to stabilize my own energy. Exercising—for me especially rigorous exercise– not only helps clear my own energy, it also helps dissipate anything that is in my energetic space which does not belong to me. That which is not mine sort of burns away or falls away by engaging my body. If you want some uplifting mantras to listen to while you do so I highly recommend the work of Erin Stutland. She has a free “Soul Stroll” download you can listen to while you walk, or run, or what have you.
Meditate. If you are just beginning a meditation practice or have never even tried, it is sometimes easiest to start with guided meditations. I have an app on my phone that a student of mine turned me onto called, “Insight Timer.” If you are a long-time meditator you can use it as a timer like I do—it has nice bells that gong you out of meditation and it tracks your meditations—so for me it feels like a little cheerleader telling me how many consecutive days I’ve spent or how many hours I’ve meditated this year! I love that! If you are new to the practice you can find MANY MANY uplifting guided meditations and even search by subject. I also recommend the work of Diana Lang and her book “Opening to Meditation.” And the work of David Harshada Wagner.
Get outside. This week I came across an upcoming event by a woman who wrote the book, “The Nature Fix.” It’s the latest research on why getting outside is good for human health, wellbeing, and creativity. (I’m going to see author Florence Williams on Thursday so I can’t tell you more yet.) However that led to a friend telling me about a recent podcast she heard called “Our Better Nature” on the “Hidden Brain” podcast. Yesterday I listened to a scientist detail the surprising study she made discovering the effects of nature on the human body. I’ll sum it up here: Nature is good for you.
Do sweet and kind things for yourself. Remember you are likely to need a little more kindness right now—a little more gentleness. You can offer it to yourself. Be compassionate and sweet to yourself as you would another going through a difficult time. If that means you need to take more baths, put on some lavender essential oil, get yourself some flowers, make your favorite warm drink, or spend an afternoon coloring with your kids—then do those things for yourself. Remember that when you are not feeling your best—whether it is your own personal depletion, experiencing that of the masses, or some combination thereof—that means you need to tend to yourself. You can’t broadcast your best if you are not at your best. Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. 🙂
Empathic ladies and gents—this is an intense time in history. Understand that it may be affecting you in ways that feel very serious. Be easy with yourself. Don’t judge yourself or your tender heart– tend to it instead. We will get through this. And we’ll be better for each and every one of us who looks, heals, and comes out ready to make the world a better place in whatever way is possible for them.
Aimée Cartier is a psychic guide, author, and the founder of Empath Intuition University. She teaches empaths who can be overwhelmed and sometimes debilitated by their sensitivities. Through a four or seven month program she teaches them in manageable steps how to understand their abilities so that they can work with their sensitivities (and not against them). This also leads them to getting and staying connected to their own power and knowing and ultimately being able to use their empathic gift to help inspire themselves and others. More about Aimée and her work can be found at www.AimeeCartier.com.